Want to live forever?

Then use Aspirin, which apparently gives you a 1 in 4 chance of immortality.

According to today's Daily Express, "Aspirin Cuts Risk Of Dying by 25%".

The sinister bathrooms

More X-Files-style adventures in my dreams recently. This episode –
THE BATHROOMS OF DEATH.

(This dream may have occurred because I recently changed the hot tap on our bathroom sink. Also, the night before the adventure we went to a meal where there was a certain amount of talking about supernatural drama shows through the ages).

A shadowy group of state actors posing as water company officials are planning to poison troublesome people by pumping some kind of deadly water into their showers. But they have been found out by me and my crime fighting team (who I can’t remember, except that Penny was doing all the driving).

We have tracked them to their base after some car chases through the city (well done Pen). Their base appears to be a normal suburban house but with a gigantic globe of the world in the front garden. This globe also has sculpted human features on it.

We crash into the house kicking doors down and that kind of thing. We catch them red handed, playing about with bathroom fittings. I single out the ringleader, a business-suited woman near a shower cubicle. A superb flying kick from me knocks her into the shower and I turn the water on. How ironic, your own doomsday weapon used on yourself, mwa ha ha. The rest of the baddies seem to lose the will to fight, so we start wrapping things up and taking them outside.

One of my team suggests going out the back way to avoid the public gaze. He opens the side door and lets me through first. But no-one follows and the door slams behind me. It’s dark. My eyes adjust, I am in a deserted corridor. I look up, the ceiling is covered in shower heads. There’s no escape for me as the water starts spraying out. NOOOOO!!! Betrayed by my own team! They’ll pay for this when I miraculously come back to life in another dream, the fools!!

The big-footed lady who doesn't like science fiction

Conversation overheard yesterday between two elderly ladies browsing the paperbacks in a charity shop:

Lady 1 - (accidentally kicks chair)
Lady 2 - Are you OK?
Lady 1 - Yes, it's just my big feet.
Lady 2 - Did you find what you were looking for?
Lady 1 - Well I can see "S".
Lady 2 - That's Crime.
Lady 1 - Who?
Lady 2 - No, Science Fiction.
Lady 1 - Who?
Lady 2 - Science Fiction.
Lady 1 - Oh.
Lady 2 - Is that what you want?
Lady 1 - (Aghast) No thank you. (Pause). Anything but.

- The end -